Closure
by LifeintheShelleyBoat
Summary: You know the first thing I did after I'd escaped Azkaban? It wasn't to go and hunt down a place where I could hide out or to find a copy of the Prophet like any decent, normal human being. The first thing I did when I escaped was run to Godric's Hollow. (Rated T for swearing)


**A****N: Hello! Ok so here's a story about Sirius visiting Lily and James' grave. It's pretty depressing if I do say so myself. Hope you like! **

**Disclaimer: All character credits to Jo-Ro.**

* * *

You know the first thing I did after I'd escaped Azkaban? It wasn't to go and hunt down a place where I could hide out or to find a copy of the Prophet like any decent, normal human being. The first thing I did when I escaped was run to Godric's Hollow.

I reached it. I recognized everything. I remembered the fountain in front of which _they _once danced.

'_Dance with me James! Wrap your manly arms around me so I can feel safe in all that muscle-' _

'_Shut up Sirius I never said that!' Lily cried as she shoved Sirius playfully, however, right into James- who was, by the way, carrying Harry. _

_Harry started to wail. Sirius had, although not with great force (Lily never had possessed much strength in her upper body), bumped right into Harry. And Sirius' limbs, being so utterly gangly as if they were in constant surprise of being able to move, elbowed Harry right in the cheek. _

_Now, Sirius was far from what you would call normal. You see, a normal person would apologise profusely and feel immense amounts of guilt for hurting a child of 6 months. However, Sirius laughed. _

_He threw his head back and laughed and it being so full of happiness, triggered both Lily and James to laugh as well. _

_Lunatics. _

_Harry found no amusement in the situation of course and was highly disturbed by his parents' laughter. (Sirius was as much a parent to Harry as Lily and James were)_

'_Oh come here you softy!' Sirius picked up Harry and lightly poked his nose. _

_Harry's tears stopped immediately (he always loved Sirius) and began to laugh as well. _

_It was quite the hallmark scene._

* * *

I remembered the local pub where _they _used to go on dates.

'_Do you think Harry's all right? Maybe we shouldn't have left him with Sirius, I mean maybe he'll be hungry and Sirius won't know what to do I mean maybe –_

'_James honestly, stop being such a woman about it for Merlin's sake.' Lily rolled her eyes at her husband. _

'_Are you questioning my masculinity Evans?' He still called her that, of course he did. _

'_Have been since first year, Potter.' She still called him that, of course she did. _

I remembered the exact spot _she _told _him _that he'd be a dad.

'_Maybe she wants a divorce mate' _

'_Fuck off Black.' _

_Sirius laughed. James always reverted to surnames when he was anxious. Sirius could actually see the self-doubt beginning to etch its way onto his face at the suggestion that Lily's 'need to talk' topic was divorce. _

'_Prongs- she loves you OK. Trust me, takes one to know one. So will you please just go in there and talk to her?' Sirius didn't even wait for a reply before knocking on the front door and dashing off around a corner. _

'_James! Haven't you got a bloody key?' Lily opened the door, hair in a meticulous mess of curls. _

_James bent down to greet her/kiss her- same thing these days. _

_Lily smiled up at him, took his hand and drew him into the house. _

_Sirius went and put his ear by the door to eavesdrop. Of course he did the prat. _

_James quickly cast a silencio spell lest Sirius hear everything. Of course he did the prat. _

_So Sirius was left to rot in his own boredom and he was beginning to be rather accomplished at doing so when- _

'_PAAAAAAAADFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT' _

_Sirius jumped at the intrusion of noise: 'What, what!' _

'_I'M GOING TO BE A DAD!' yelled James. (He was smiling so much it hurt)_

'_WHAT?' Sirius matched the former's volume. (He was smiling so much it hurt)_

'_LILY'S PREGNANT!'_

'_NO.'_

'_YES.'_

'_NO!'_

'_YES!'_

'_DEAR LORD PRONGS YOU'RE BALLS ACTUALLY WORK!' _

_James erupted with laughter and attacked Sirius with hugs. _

_Lily watched the scene with tears in her eyes. She was happy and pregnant and damn it she would be emotional too. _

_Both James and Sirius stopped their jumping around. _

'_What's wrong Lil, are you ok? Is it the baby?' James grew concerned. _

'_For fucks sake Prongs give the woman a break' Sirius ruffled James' hair. The immature git. _

_James stuck his tongue out at Sirius. The immature git. 'I'm just asking-_

'_It's nothing you twits. I'm just so happy. And I'm pregnant I'm blaming the bloody hormones.' Lily started to cry now, but she was happy. (She was smiling so much it hurt.)_

_James and Sirius pranced over like the idiots they were and enveloped Lily in a three-way hug. _

'_We're having a baby!' Sirius screamed. _

_They were smiling so much it hurt._

* * *

I remembered everything,

I cast a disillusionment charm on myself (using the wand I stole from some unsuspecting drunk at a bar. I wasn't a marauder for nothing) - I have to be human for this, anything less was unacceptable.

I found them almost instantly.

'_Oi Prongs!' I told you he'd be here Moony you never bloody listen to me do you?' _

_Remus scowled at him. _

'_Well I'm sorry, I'd forgotten about the sixth sense you've got for his whereabouts' _

_Sirius snorted and replied sarcastically: 'Really, how could you?'_

_James draped his arms around Remus and Sirius respectively. _

'_It's bloody creepy how you do that. You are aware of that aren't you Pads?' _

'_It's because I love you' Sirius replied, fighting to kiss his best friend's cheek. _

'_Ge-roff me! You spend too much time being a dog!' James laughed. _

_Remus professed that he felt quite unfortunate to be seen walking with the two 'bloody loons who belong to Mungo's psych ward'. But had you seen him that very moment, he was laughing the hardest. That liar. _

* * *

I knelt down. I started to cry. Fuck I missed them so much.

'Why did you leave me? You said you wouldn't' I started to whisper. It was embarrassing and stupid, believe I know, but I couldn't care. Not then. Not when I was standing over the grave of my two best friends.

'_Oh and when Mike told that joke about the fireman!' Lily could hardly get the words out she was laughing so much. _

'_Merlin, that was hilarious I swear I could have died right there and then!' James was experiencing equal trouble with enunciation. _

_Sirius rolled his eyes. It's not often Sirius Black gets jealous of anyone, but really what was so bloody special about some muggle neighbour? You should have heard them go on and on about him like they're in some threesome and they're all in bloody love. Gits. _

_He got up. He was jealous ok? He was protective and possessive and he was fucking jealous. _

'_Sirius mate where are you going?' James' laughter fell into confusion. _

'_Well I wouldn't want to get in the way of the many tales of Mike the Muggle now would I?' Sirius replied, his voice coloured with bitter sarcasm. _

'_Awh mate are you jealous?' James found it all much too amusing for Sirius' liking. _

'_No.'_

'_You are! Hah! Oh Sirius you know we love you best.' Lily chimed in. _

'_I'm not bloody jealous I just don't fancy-_

_James took on an overly sincere look. _

'_Don't you let them faze you Padfoot. You are our prince- _

'_Oh bugger off Prongs!' Sirius started to laugh. _

_James smiled and this time his voice was full of earnest sincerity. _

'_You know I'll never leave you Pads. I promise.' James grabbed Sirius' face and planted one wet kiss on his cheek. _

_Sirius smiled. And he really thought James never would._

* * *

I never got to visit their grave. I didn't even get to go to the funeral. All those years in Azkaban and this was all I wanted- to just be able to come here. I suppose I wanted closure.

But this. This wasn't closure- it was just pain. Merlin, I miss them.

'I miss you'

I said it again and again. And the sad thing was, my words will never reach them. And I knew that. I really did. But there was some stubborn hope left in me. Some hope that my words would reach them- that I would hear their reply. I could almost here their voices.

And it broke my heart.

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